I couldn't treat this, like any usual forum. Speaking about shifting intimacies intertwined with schizophrenic society were things I could once only dream about. Over a decade of trying to understand love and intimacy, I felt like it was put to the test. To add to that, this was still an ongoing research - abundance of results of which coined more questions than answers. Honestly have shred me weary, to the point where I question why and what this journey is about.
I was insanely nervous; I don't know wether it was because I had to present it in English or wether I had to speak about something I had been so passionate about, or maybe a mixture of both. I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to transfer my understanding on schizophrenic society; how to give out deleuze without being deleuzian, without using terms like body without organs as his main foundation of reality, or terms such as lines of flight, delirium, and molar-unmolecular dynamics in society. Concerned about our sense and tendencies of categorizing and dissecting love to reduction denying the shades of intimacy. Afraid I wasn't able to give voice to the voiceless (no matter how the paradox it may be, still remembering spivak) to those who had shared their love journeys and lives with me.
To my surprise the room was filled, and each person at some point took words out of me. And to my surprise the topics I was anxious about were not the ones I should be worried about. Discussions have triggered new areas in advancing this research, critics and questions enlighten me to what I should be working on. And most of all.. I was overwhelmed to so many opportunities, forums, people, and individuals who constantly thrust this study and letting me learn even more and more. And today, my heart was overflowing with gratitude for those who willingly came and immersed to what I passionately study, *your presence meant the world for me* and even more had made me fall in love with love once again, blessed by this doctoral journey, a journey that felt like a dread for quiet sometime, just halted to see rainbows and flowers on a green field.
#overwhelmed #thankyou #thankyou4yoursupport#thankyou4coming #thankyou4teachingme#skizofrenicsociety #schizosubjects #multiplerealities #doctoral #doctoraljourney
on this blog
Just ordinary day to day notes.. But as we know.. there is nothing normal in this world.