There is hardly any distinctive line between intimate relationships these days. When Bauman (1995) coined the term ‘liquid love’, ‘liquid intimacy’ and in line a ‘liquid world’ it merely spoke from a reality, a definite apparent phenomenon we easily witness on how people interact with each other. Not to mention the factual zillion new terms we find to define this new born relationships (sex buddy, friends with benefit, open relationship, and so on).
As the terms and forms multiply, intimate relationships become vague. Numourous problems arise within intimate parties involved, merely due to the different grounds of relationship types, meanings and definitions, contesting different values and believes. Social problems arise from an invinite acustomed culture of the vague, advancing the play of sexual politics through abolition of gender awareness. In this play, romance and intimacy merely turn to those ediquate in social capital, class, and empowered social access. It is accessable only to distinctive social class (in the context of this partriach society: man, women with economic stability, married women with social access, etc). To those fortunate of the social capital, intimate relationships are driven by a matter of instict, the unconcious – the game of love, the passion, the liquidity.
Only the people in certain social class, can play the game of liquid love. Only those with the capital at hand, can express and master fully their instinct to intimacy. Without having to question or the ability to define the difference in romance, love, passion, nor desire. Relationship is no longer a value worth understanding. As intimate relationship it self, turns to a symbolic social capital. Love is molded to a capital. Everybody instinctively crave for another spouse. Another lover. A hidden romance. – It feels good too. For this practice intersects with our natural biological-drugs production of happiness.
For those unfortunate not being in that elite class, will strive to play the game. For intimate relationship becomes a mean of a certain social class and capital. None the less as intoxicating passion. The majority, as the less fortunate, will accustomed to broken hearts, depression, and repression. It is revolutionary – using Deleuze terms. As the gap between classes in the game of intimacy widens, we face the abolition of empathy, respect and humanity. A deconstruction of identity, subjectivity and sexuality is inevitable for survival. But we will all hide in the respected value of : ‘what the heart wants’. Creating a society based on their desired instincts, a family without parents, a family without interaction nor value, a rupted child without roots, and a subtle huge rupture of class discrimination. Schizophrenic interaction is normalized. Schizophrenic society, in other hand would be a different matter through the consequence of social chaos and disorder.
Thus, the complexity of intimate relationships in reality from a social perspective would be its social psychological consequences from the rupted realm of mind and social interactions. We believe such personal intimate relationship are merely subjective, personal and harmless. As for the complexity of intimate relationships in reality from an individual perspective (only undergo by those unfortunate of social class) is a common phenomenon of the disability to define any value of relationships. We no longer share the same symbolic language of love. We no longer know whether a person has the ‘hots’ for us, whether it is caring, whether it is love, or whether it is true. We simply surf on desire to be sane.
Love and intimate relationships looses, its simplicity. In its complexity people simplify only by erasing ‘feelings and empathy’. Love relationship has become an interpersonal relationship consisting of two separate individuals: “I love you simply because I feel it!”. Mutuality is no longer essential, as empathy it self dies.
In a culture of liquid love, people has blurred the simple core of intimate relationship’s practices: intimacy. Intimacy as diverse as can be – wether its emotional intimacy or physical intimacy or intellectual intimacy or so on – only has one means: Personal Involvement. No intimacy can be build without a certain sort of personal involvement. No intimate relationships (as stated above has turned to a ‘social capital and social class’represented by the symbolic ‘mastering the game of love desire’) can be acquired without personal involvement. No love relationship can be built without intimacy. Any sustaining practice of personal involvement is an open door to love relationships.
Facilitated by our communication obsessed culture, our needs for the game of love, and awareness of social representation; we create ‘harmless’ involvement as a means for our desire. Creating intimate relationships, without the consciousness of practicing love relationships. Sustaining multiple personal involvement as multiple love relationships.
In this liquid love culture and practices of intimate relationships, we are cultivating culture of dehumanity. Unconsciously we no longer have the awareness of empathy. Hence, we no longer have a shared value of integrity. Unconsciously without empathy, we no longer have the awareness of respecting others. Hence, we no longer trust. And whilst we practice intimacy as our daily culture, creating and sustaining multiple love relationships; yet some still unconsciously wonder why their personal relationship be so complex; some, skeptical whether there was ever love at all.
Today – most of us choose to easily simplify. If its too much a burden, if its not to my enjoyment, if it’s in anyway disrupt my feelings: cut it off. All is substitutional. Why would anyone strive through a drama when love it self, can be substitusional? – Today.
At least... (i presume sometime) till humanity face the question, whether humanity was ever a substitution at all? – but hey, we probably wont live long enough to face that day. For now, we’re all content hiding under the simple saying “cinta itu urusan rasa dan hati”! (love is a matter of the heart).
#flowoflove #endnote #babakhir #knowingIwasneverenough #hurt#intimacy #schizophrenic #schizo-Subjects #sleepless
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Learning is inevitable .. and as it is a process, what is knowledge if not shared? where would knowledge be without human dialectics